mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Randomize
