i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
