im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
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