Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
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