my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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