I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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