I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
