so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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