Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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