I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Randomize
