Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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