she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
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