i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
