His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
We don't watch enough power rangers
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
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