I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
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