You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
this hospital has no fireball
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Randomize
