im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
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