tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
