Only a mothe r could love this liver
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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