It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
sick fucks of a feather flock together
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
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