If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Randomize
