There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
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