I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Randomize
