U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
You may now shotgun with the bride
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
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