NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
