I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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