Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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