I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Randomize
