i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Randomize
