1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
