After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
We talked him into tasing himself.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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