Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
