ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
