I can feel you judging me through the phone.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Randomize
