trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Randomize
