Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
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