Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
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