I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
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