so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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