yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
Randomize
