I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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