he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
