You don't have asthma, your pregnant
i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
