I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
