It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Your penis caused this!
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