I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
I want you more than these girls want KFC
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize