you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
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