hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Randomize
