If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
