His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
