I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
3pm strippers are depressing
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Randomize
