tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Randomize
