How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
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