I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
