tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Randomize
