I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Randomize
