I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
