There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Randomize
