I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Is this like a preordered booty call?
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Randomize
