The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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