I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
