any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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