I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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