Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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