I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize
