Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
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