That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Randomize
