i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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