is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
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