Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I just gargled with NyQuil
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
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