Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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