from now on my penis is your penis
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
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