no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
