If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
