I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Randomize
