remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Randomize
