but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
