Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize