What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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